Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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