I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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