I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
