I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
