I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
