I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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