I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
