Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
