Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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