its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
