dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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