it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
