Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
