OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
