I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
