Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
