I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize