so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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