Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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