I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the day after is always just damage control
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
