Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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