yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize