remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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