i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
