You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I could make wine with my vomit
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
