Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
