i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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