Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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