Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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