Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well I just put wine in my tea
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
