I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
