I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize