Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
