No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
