Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
