Sponge bath it is.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
