How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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