Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
