Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
