I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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