I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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