I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
