One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
