My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
