He had one of those small greek statue penises
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize