I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
be right there i have to get my cape
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
