Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize