Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
