Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
