i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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