So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
