Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
