me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
