thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
