it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
