How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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