I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
