Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
