Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
