I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
