I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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