well I can't set my house on fire every night
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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