I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i love accidental penises.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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