your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
