My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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