Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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