Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize