i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
