she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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