24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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