That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize