Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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