I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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