I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
