i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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