He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
