i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
