90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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