guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
jump out the window naked night went bad
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