Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
