I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
