Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
