I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
