Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
