She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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