I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
