no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
