I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
