I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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