I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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