i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
