Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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