i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
