DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
