Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
