did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
