Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
