Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just gargled with NyQuil
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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