I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
