Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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