and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
