Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
