so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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