Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
